What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
14.06.2025 00:09
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
My life is so biszare .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I never cut or harmed myself..
My son is possessed, now he has psychosis. Can someone help me?
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Put me off passion for life!!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
What a list actors/ actresses are notorious for being jerks in real life?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
But it wasn’t much.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
What is the degree of influence of Saudi Wahhabism on the modern Muslim world?
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I was very sick at this time too.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Is anyone up to have a little conversation?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
We were not on the streets..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Why cant a narcissist admit when they are wrong?
He knew the spot.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I waited trembling.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Why do most Indian women cuckold or cheat on their husbands?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Im still living with it.
What are some best sources of great porn?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
What caused North Korea to go poor when at first it was rich?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
(And it was in our own minds.)
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
The only rule us 5 kids had .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Comes on , in middle age.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
But, we were locked up after school.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
My family never makes their pension either.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
She married twice! .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
She wouldn,t have been !
And i lived it daily.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I will be 64.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
One cannot live in the past .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Was to survive, this bastard.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He resisted the act ,that day.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I could never make a relationship work though!
So, i spoilt her more .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I was 9 years of age.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
We all went to grammer schools
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
She found it foreign!.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
She was in good health!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I write beautiful poetry .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
As i do to all so called friends.?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
It was going to be , some day.
I don,t even have a pension.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Would this be the day?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Who then, do I blame.?
I was scared of men, in general
On the 31st of Jan this month .
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Ive learnt so much.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I said to her
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
All the time i was locked up.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I have no regrets .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I think the readers, may guess!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
What did i know ?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Especially a lifetime of it.
This is soul school!.
She loved him until the end.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
When she asked me how she looked .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I was seconnd youngest,
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
So whats the point in blame.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.